sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
