You made me cry and you don't even care
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
