Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
