Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
