it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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