Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was born a porn star she said
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
