Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
