i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
