Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
