we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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