I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just google imaged poop.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
