I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
