apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
