In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We left an ass print on the piano.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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