worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
