Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
