he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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