ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
