he shaved USA in his pubs
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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