I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
