I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My balls are so social today.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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