It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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