I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
