i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize