We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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