the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
