so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
