So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Im part way to drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize