East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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