12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
