forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
