I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
