i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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