OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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