DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
