Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
