I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize