We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
