She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
