I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
