Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
