just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
