he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
