And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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