too bad you live with your parents still
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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