i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
