just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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