Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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