Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
