Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
