Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got inside last night via doggy door
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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