Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
