You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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