Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
love makes seman taste better
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
