If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wish my penis had a tongue
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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