can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
