Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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