I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
