Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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