no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
