Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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