We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
