never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize