the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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