As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
