So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
