My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
