If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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