I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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