mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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