you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
