Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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