Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
