I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
