the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
