How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
