this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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