Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
