If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
