a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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