i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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