Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
