i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
